Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Divorce Diet

I mentioned in a previous post that I had been under a lot of stress. I finally spilled the beans on my regular blog and admitted that I am going through a divorce. Apparently I am now on the Divorce Diet. I have been told I look like I am losing weight, and I was somewhat dismayed to find out today that this is true. I was getting ready to go to swimming lessons this morning, and put on my lace-up board shorts. The last time I wore them was August 21st, 3 weeks ago. The shorts fit completely differently this time. I had to lace them much tighter. I'm not sure what my weight in numbers is, but I measured and have lost over an inch around my hips since July.

Now, of course I want to be skinny and hot. But I want it to be on MY terms, because of MY effort. This just felt like another way I'm not in control of my life. I assure you that this difference is solely because of the stress and resulting way I've been eating, not because I decided to eat better and followed through, and definitely not because I've been exercising consistently.

Friday's food is a good example of how the Divorce Diet is going for me. Before I left the house, I grabbed a piece of whole wheat toast with butter, which I usually love. It tasted like cardboard. I ate about 3 bites. I got to work and started drinking my green smoothie. It was gross, way too sweet. I made myself drink about half of it. When I walked upstairs and opened the door, I could literally smell the Cookie Friday cookies 10 feet away, which I've not experienced before. I grabbed four cookies off the plate, but saved them for later because they didn't seem appealing at all right then. I had a peach and an apple sitting around, so I cut them up. They tasted really weird. They had been sitting for a few days, but they looked fine. Either they weren't fine, or my taste buds are messed up!

Finally, it's lunch time, and I'm absolutely starving. I brought leftovers from the night before, when I made whole wheat pasta with Onion-Blue Cheese sauce from this recipe. The sauce is supposed to go with steak, but I haven't purchased beef in quite a while and didn't feel like doing so now. The sauce was pretty gross. Blue cheese used to be my FAVORITE, but now it made the sauce nasty. I think it would have been great without the blue cheese. Again, either my taste buds are weird, or I just got some gross blue cheese. Either way, lunch was gross and I didn't eat much. By 5:00 I was absolutely starving and remembered my 4 cookies. I ate them and they tasted fantastic -- the first thing of the day that was palatable! I don't even remember if or what I ate for dinner. I think I ended up making Kraft Macaroni & Cheese for the kids. Nice. I usually refuse to buy it.

So that's my general pattern -- I'm not in much of a mood to cook real dinners, the food I eat tastes weird, and then I get so famished that I'll eat something really unhealthy/sugary. At least my form of the Divorce Diet involves losing weight instead of blimping up -- I am grateful for that :-)


Chandelle said...

That Cookie Friday thing is completely evil.

I'm not surprised you're having a hard time eating. It seems really common, especially for women, to feel weird about food when experiencing an emotional trauma. I go the other way and tend to smother my feelings with crappy food (mostly sugar and salt).

Katie said...

See, that's the weird thing. Usually I do eat emotionally, so this is the opposite.