Friday, September 18, 2009


My stated goal when I started exercising was to stop what I thought was a pretty sudden weight gain. Thanks to the 'Divorce Diet', that's not a problem now. I would feel like a fraud if I was to continue to update this blog with my status in terms of inches/measurements. In my view, a fitness blog is for holding yourself accountable and for sharing what might work for others, whether it's actual techniques/training schedules/diets, or whether it's your motivational attitude. I don't think it would be very motivational for anyone to read about results due to the 'Divorce Diet'.

But instead of giving up entirely, I will continue to focus on my true goals going into this:
- to be stronger
- to have more endurance (better cardiovascular capacity, ability to run with ease, ability to play, hike, etc.)

Regardless of how my body looks, I want to feel great. I want to be full of energy. I want to be strong and tough and be able to play and hike and swim and run as long as I want to.

Today I took the garbage out to the dumpster. I had really loaded it up with heavy stuff. I could easily carry it with two hands, but when I got to the dumpster, the lid was on. I am only 5'3" tall, so the dumpster is already taller than me. There was absolutely NO WAY I could hold the lid way up over my head and fling the garbage bag in at the same time. It was a tiny little thing, so stupid, but it was SO FRUSTRATING. Fortunately my kids were there, so they lifted from the bottom and I pulled from the top, and we got it in just fine. But if I was actually in good shape, things like that would not even be a problem.

I have an 8-hour test coming up for work at the end of October. I may put my exercise goals on hold until after that is over. I know exercise would have so many benefits for my mind (more energy, better ability to study/think clearly), so I will try to do both. But I may go really easy in the next month. After that I'm not sure what will happen since it will be getting cold outside and I am a huge wuss. But anyway, we'll see.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Divorce Diet

I mentioned in a previous post that I had been under a lot of stress. I finally spilled the beans on my regular blog and admitted that I am going through a divorce. Apparently I am now on the Divorce Diet. I have been told I look like I am losing weight, and I was somewhat dismayed to find out today that this is true. I was getting ready to go to swimming lessons this morning, and put on my lace-up board shorts. The last time I wore them was August 21st, 3 weeks ago. The shorts fit completely differently this time. I had to lace them much tighter. I'm not sure what my weight in numbers is, but I measured and have lost over an inch around my hips since July.

Now, of course I want to be skinny and hot. But I want it to be on MY terms, because of MY effort. This just felt like another way I'm not in control of my life. I assure you that this difference is solely because of the stress and resulting way I've been eating, not because I decided to eat better and followed through, and definitely not because I've been exercising consistently.

Friday's food is a good example of how the Divorce Diet is going for me. Before I left the house, I grabbed a piece of whole wheat toast with butter, which I usually love. It tasted like cardboard. I ate about 3 bites. I got to work and started drinking my green smoothie. It was gross, way too sweet. I made myself drink about half of it. When I walked upstairs and opened the door, I could literally smell the Cookie Friday cookies 10 feet away, which I've not experienced before. I grabbed four cookies off the plate, but saved them for later because they didn't seem appealing at all right then. I had a peach and an apple sitting around, so I cut them up. They tasted really weird. They had been sitting for a few days, but they looked fine. Either they weren't fine, or my taste buds are messed up!

Finally, it's lunch time, and I'm absolutely starving. I brought leftovers from the night before, when I made whole wheat pasta with Onion-Blue Cheese sauce from this recipe. The sauce is supposed to go with steak, but I haven't purchased beef in quite a while and didn't feel like doing so now. The sauce was pretty gross. Blue cheese used to be my FAVORITE, but now it made the sauce nasty. I think it would have been great without the blue cheese. Again, either my taste buds are weird, or I just got some gross blue cheese. Either way, lunch was gross and I didn't eat much. By 5:00 I was absolutely starving and remembered my 4 cookies. I ate them and they tasted fantastic -- the first thing of the day that was palatable! I don't even remember if or what I ate for dinner. I think I ended up making Kraft Macaroni & Cheese for the kids. Nice. I usually refuse to buy it.

So that's my general pattern -- I'm not in much of a mood to cook real dinners, the food I eat tastes weird, and then I get so famished that I'll eat something really unhealthy/sugary. At least my form of the Divorce Diet involves losing weight instead of blimping up -- I am grateful for that :-)

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Megan posted an after-run picture in which she thinks she looks bad. I figured I'd post mine as a show of solidarity.

This is how red I get when I run. And I don't even run that hard yet! I just thought I would share this in case anyone things they look funny after they run -- you're not the only one. I guess I should be grateful, because when people see me, they probably think "Wow, she must have worked out so hard!!!"

Barefoot Running

I went barefoot running last night and loved it. I went to the high school track, because I don't trust the roads/sidewalks for barefoot running, and I don't have the cash for a pair of Vibram Five Fingers yet. My theory was that the kids could play on the field/track while I ran. I figured my 2 year old would scream the whole time, but hoped for a miracle. He screamed the whole time. He did the same thing when I started doing the Shred DVDs -- he was incensed that I was right there but wouldn't hold him for THIRTY MINUTES! At the track, I was actually running away from him, so you can imagine how much worse that would be.

I hate running with the jogging stroller SO MUCH that I was hoping to find a way to bring the kids and not have to use the stroller. Maybe he'll get used to it and realize that I'm not leaving, I'm just running around in circles. But I'm not sure I'll be able to stand running around in circles very long anyway.

Barefoot running was very comfortable and felt very natural. I'm a very natural girl at heart, and anything that brings me closer to nature feels right. I've always thought the idea of shoes was ridiculous and have never put shoes on my babies when they are inside or on safe surfaces outside. So it made perfect sense when I found out I didn't need shoes to run either.

The main benefit of barefoot running is supposed to be injury prevention. I have not been running long enough to have had any injuries, and I hope to keep it that way! I really do see myself as a runner. I'd love to keep running and do some races, and keep it in my life as a way to stay healthy and strong for many years to come. So I love the idea of barefoot running for injury prevention.

The only time I had any discomfort whatsoever was after my run, when I walked for a lap. My feet were stinging a little bit. I'm not sure if it was the actual motion of walking that caused this, or if I just hadn't noticed it until I slowed down. Anyway, I think barefoot running is a keeper and I'm going to have to save up for those Five Fingers!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Sleep is related to exercise, so I'll write this here!

Last night I don't think I got any sleep. I got in bed very late, 1 AM or so, and my mind was racing. I have a relaxation meditation I listen to when I can't fall asleep. It's called "A Meditation for a Deep Rejuvenating Sleep" by Peter Tongue. I did Hypnobabies hypnosis for childbirth when I was pregnant, and I fell asleep EVERY time I listened to one of the CDs. The sleep meditation sounds very similar, so I am very well conditioned to fall asleep when I hear it. I have literally never made it through the entire meditation before falling asleep. In fact, I found out last night that I have never made it past the first 3-4 minutes of the 14 minute track!

Last night I listened to it THREE TIMES and heard every word. It was actually kind of cool, because I found out that the meditation calls upon the archangel Michael as a protector during the night. That's cool because I have my own little Baby Michael who sleeps with me every night, thought technically I'm protecting him rather than the other way around.

Anyway, I listened to the relaxation thing three times. Nothing. My mind was just going crazy, imagining all the fun possibilities my future holds (at least it was a happy sort of racing mind!). Laying there awake was starting to make me feel really weird, so I got up and dug out my old high school yearbooks. Everyone was so hilarious! I was actually laughing out loud (usually I just smirk a little when I see something funny). Of course, this could have been the direct result of it being 3 or 4 am, not an actual measure of how funny it was. After a little while, I got back in bed. Still nothing. Just lying there awake. I didn't ever look at a clock because I knew I would be horrified about how little sleep I was going to get.

The kids weren't sleeping well either. Michael woke up repeatedly. My 5-year old had come in during the night, and every time Michael would kick him, he sounded wide awake. It was just a really weird night. I think I may have finally fallen asleep fitfully for a little while. It was relatively easy to get up when my alarm went off at 6:30, because I didn't feel like I had gone to sleep in the first place!

Now I feel compelled to run hard and fast to reset myself. (That is, if I can stay awake long enough!) I am going to make a very concerted effort to go to the track as soon as we get home tonight. And I am going to run barefoot. I have been wanting to try it for a while now. In my mind, I see myself running fast and easy, flying, completely effortlessly, completely strong, for miles on end. My reality is different, but I love that picture in my mind.

Here's hoping to a great run and a better night's sleep tonight!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Sweet Tooth

Something very strange has happened. My obsession for sugar is missing in action. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been eating all that well -- OK, but not great. The only thing I can think of to explain this is that I have been under a tremendous amount of stress. I still eat, but food usually doesn't taste very good. I noticed over the past few weeks that I haven't been buying candy bars at work or taking cake/candy/cookies to work with me, and I've been just fine.

Of course, if sugar is offered, I'll definitely eat it. On Cookie Friday, I had a big handful of cookies. Today, I was thinking about how I hadn't been eating much sugar and decided to be rebellious and buy some M&Ms. They are typically one of my favorite candies, but this time they were absolutely disgusting. I felt like I was eating paint. Then, my kids had an orientation at their school, and they had tons of cookies and other treats. I had a chocolate M&M cookie, and it was also gross.

This is very weird. I still think about sugar and bought ingredients to make pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, but my usual sweet tooth is nowhere to be found.